Xavier Leret

I thought that I would let Google run some of their ads on this site. I did so believing that the web is a free environment – not Christian Democrat, Rebublican, Sharia, Neo Fascist or any other ist or ism, – and knowing that google are planning on putting online every book that has been published I was a little surprised to find that certain words, and no doubt thoughts, are off limits. This is the email Google sent me.

Hello Xavier,
Thank you for your email.
Our goal is to be able to extend our service to as many web publishers as
we can. Unfortunately, after reviewing www.xavierleret.com, we are unable
to accept it into our AdSense programme at this time for reasons related
to:
- Inappropriate language
———————
Further detail:
Inappropriate language: We’ve found that your website contains content
that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow
websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to
participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies
(https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US) for a complete list of
site content not allowed on web pages.
———————
For a complete list of AdSense criteria, please visit:

https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US

https://www.google.com/adsense/localized-terms?hl=en_US

However, if you are able to resolve this issue, please reply to this email
for reconsideration when you have made the changes.
Thank you for your understanding.
Sincerely,
Colm
The Google AdSense Team

And this is what I sent back.

Ah fuck shit piss
Are the people who approve these policies the same as those who approve the turning in of dissidents.
Thank them for waving at me from the moral high ground.
Regards and understandingly,
Xavier Leret
Ps there’s a new story at www.xavierleret.com – the torment of Joe Cobain – enjoy

(Forgive me, I couldn’t resist putting in an ad for my site).

When Joe Cobain materialised he was welcomed into the world with a clout around the chops. It was a fine welcome as it reminded him of a lesson he had learnt many years before as a child, which went along the lines that life is perilously difficult and at times downright cruel. All he could be sure of was that everything was black and that he was blindfolded.
He wasn’t sure where it was that he had materialised from because it had all happened so fast, a time traveller’s lightening flash and in that flash he had been deprived of any recollection. What was clear to him was that he had a few split seconds to evaluate the situation and devise some answers both for himself and his assailants.
It became quickly apparent that his situation was serious. At first he thought that he had materialised out of a coma into the split second of the accident which had knocked him for six in the first place, certainly the thud in the mouth felt as if it could be have been administered by a moving car. However, he dismissed this hypothesis upon receiving a second clout which in past generations would have been affectionally described as a ‘box round the ear’. This clout, which was no less painful, lacked the strength of the first.
“What the do you know,” was the first question that was thrown at him? Joe was quite well read, and the only thing of which he was certain was that it was all uncertain. Education had taught him that everything was ideologically or scientifically up for grabs, with the exception of God who, though no-one had actually spoken to him, except in dreams, or at best a very long time ago – was on the periphery of it all fuelling our very active imaginations with just about everything that can be thought of, because he invented us as part of some test; this includes sex, swearing, stealing (everything from chocolate to music), ripping people off, making fools of others, adultery, masturbation, fornication, looking at pornography (the worse crimes are to do with sex – and women because they tempt men) , imagining the very worst of our neighbours, hating people because their god is different, hating them because they have more cash and their god is different, hating them because their skin is of a different colour, they have more cash and they have a different god (this is because there is a feud in heaven – Jesus, God, Allah, and all the rest, have it in for each other and thus we you) – oh Christ, thought Jo Cobain, who didn’t actually believe in God, but after a number of whacks found that he was searching for any reason or meaning, oh Christ (he said again) I am guilty of everything!
His confused silence was followed by a sentence that meant something without meaning anything, giving all away and nothing, it was covertly overt, sexually explicit, violent, repetitive, making indisputable that his tormentors possessed a godlike omniscience, that their realm was the knowledge of everything.
“The second question which was flung at him was “when”? Having just materialised and not fully aware of who, what, where or why, ‘when’ was tough one to fathom. He decided to play a little game of ‘if you answer my questions then I shall try my utmost to make sense of yours’. ‘If say, you tell me that I am in a prison, I might ask where (?) and so on.’ If it wasn’t for the punches and the frequent kicks you could be forgiven for believing that Joe Cobain had materialised into a popular Christmas game.
After an indeterminate period of beatings Joe Cobain’s inquisitors had become terribly agitated. They started calling on God (who sometimes they called ‘freedom’ and at others the ‘one true one’ or ‘the one and only’ or simply, ‘him that hath no name’), evoking old prayers, curses and rituals (both political and spiritual), in the hope that Joe might tell them something. With every mention of God’s name poor Joe Cobain was clobbered. It was as if they were hammering their magical disdain into him.
The first tragedy for Joe Cobain was that he was an atheist. It is fruitless hammering a nail of faith into someone who doesn’t believe, as all it does is cause pain and confusion. It also means that they will say anything for you, to stop you causing the pain. ‘No, I have no idea who God is’ could quite quickly become ‘I’ve got his address here somewhere would you like me to give him a call’ and before you know it, ‘yes I did plant that fucking bomb!’
The second tragedy for Joe Cobain was that he believed that under the right circumstances torture was necessary. What are the lives of millions compared to the one? He saw no contradiction between this and the ‘every life is holy’ argument. Strangely he understood that each view underlined the other, somehow making sense of it all. He had written television dramas highlighting these dilemmas and made heroes of those who were prepared to electrocute, humiliate and cause, quite simply, the most unbelievable pain to others in the name of various ideologies (including trade), all of which he felt only a moderate sympathy for. Life is not without its contradictions.
Joe Cobain became aware of a terrible smell. It was the smell of faeces and like a good lunch it was accompanied with laughter. His face was very sore. He had a side splitting headache. He still had no idea of where or who or what or why, though deep down he suspected that they were right to beat him. If their positions had been reversed he would, no doubt, have done the same. It was just unfortunate that he knew nothing.
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Just a quicky to let you know that I am running a physical theatre masterclass next weekend Sat 14th Jan at The Lowry, Salford Quays. I will be looking at text and physical theatre, how to work as a group (ensemble), devising work, storytelling and scene setting (image building). More details here http://www.thelowry.com/WhatsOn/EventDetail.aspx?EventId=2236
Week after that I’m shooting another of the “Jimmy” short films.

This is a short movie that I shot one day over the summer, in Amsterdam. We shot it without any real planning other than buying some plane tickets for Mat and Ralf who star – I was meant to be on holiday but was actually trying to get another script finished ready for rehearsals a week later (I have a very understanding family).
This is the first of the FLID (cause this is what happens when you fuck with Jimmy) prep videos. I’m shooting another later this Jan. We had fun making it and I’ve really enjoyed the editing process. The basic premise is that Jimmy wakes up to find a hammer going for his head.
Where I think this one fails in representing the full feature is in its lack of “Kung Fu” and also it lacks dialogue and banter – but we only had a day.
I would like to say a special thankyou to everyone involved, Mat Fraser(Jimmy), Ralf Higgins(The Hammer Killer), Phil Morle (On Camera), Hetty Churchill (pulling purse strings), Leon Alexander (for sorting outs the rights on the tracks used), Jules Bushell who has done some wonders on the sound FX and Mick and Humera for kindly letting us film on their boat. If you like the lower quality one in the window why not download the better qulaity one. You might need to get a quicktime plug in if you don’t already have one.
Don’t forget to leave a comment and if anyone is interested in investing in a feature make sure you say hello.

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